Winner of worst teeth I've seen on tv this year -- Joe Trippi, campaign manager for Howard Dean. I swear it looked like he brushes his teeth with cigarettes. Speaking of Dr. Dean...do yourself and your campaign a favor -- shut the hell up! Just because you think something doesn't mean you should say it. Your left sway is already turning off moderately progressive Democrats who want to right the party by returning to its roots, not by holding it hostage. And your "smile" still creeps me out.
How 'bout them Patriots? They just keep winning. The most disturbing thing that occurred during Saturday night's telecast was Joe Willy Namath drunk off his ass on the sideline, telling Suzy Kolber (one of the absolute best sideline reporters) that he wanted to "kissh" her. See the clip here.
On another disturbing note, Clay Aiken graduated from college. I hate American Idol on general principle. But this guy kills me -- and what's worse is the morons who actually pay money for his music. Or those who thought the voting was rigged -- funny stuff.
And, to finish the music/morons category...I hate that damned "Christmas Shoes" song. I want to reach through the radio and tear the dj to shreds when it comes on. It's not sad; it's not touching -- it's contrived and poorly done. Just like the Toby Keith "I don't think, but I know I love my country, so F you!" song(s). And then the geniuses of network tv went and made this into a tv movie! Starring Rob Lowe! And, what really just broke my heart...as I was flipping through stations and passed this crap, the kid in the movie was wearing a Sox hat. I died a little last night.
So speaks Creamed, 1:29 PM
12/18/2003
MARTIAN MOON-MAN LANGUAGE DEPARTMENT:
President Bush signed the "CAN SPAM" legislation into law yesterday. Nevertheless, I was contacted today by Mr. Augustin Yoder with the truly cryptic offer below. Under the subject line, "couples do it sometimes and is just for themselves!this got out of hands! [all sic]," I received the following missive:
"Egregio signore Benvenuto! Questo link la portera' alla pagina della donna piu' famosa del 21 esimo secolo. Paris Hilton. Ne ha sentito parlare prima? Per saperne di piu' segua le istruzioni che trovera' nella pagina seguente. Le auguro una buona visine"
Obviously, this is some sort of code, or corrupted file. The fact that Viking Zen was cc'd on the message makes me suspect it's one of her comp lit grad school friends, planning some sort of party in her honor, to be held at the Paris Hilton.
Well, I'm not going. I'd do just about anything for a friend, but this got out of hands.
Down here in Virginia, we're dealing with one of the most ludicrous bans to come along in quite some time -- "decorative vegetation." The newly adopted International Building Code includes sections on cut trees. Basically, it says that unless you live in a townhouse, single family home, or apartment or condo with a sprinkler system, you can't have a "natural cut" tree. That includes Christmas trees. Christmas tree fires killed 5 people, injured an additional 60, and caused over $15 million in damager last year alone. More people die by slipping in their bathtubs.
After a bit of an uproar, the state fire marshall lifted the ban for state properties and left it to individual county and city marshalls for their own localities (Cities in Virginia are not part of counties, they are independent). Many counties did, including Arlington (eventually). Others did not. Fairfax County, for example banned it. Yet within Fairfax County is George Mason University, a state school. So on the school property, you can do whatever you want.
I was really not happy when I found out that the county would not let me have a real tree in my garden-style condo. So I wrote an email to the county board expressing my dismay at the ban, asking them to coordinate with the county fire marshall. I received the following letter in return, from the Chairman who is clearly in touch with the needs of his contiuents:
On behalf of the County Board, thank you for sharing your support for the strategic options relating to trees in the Fiscal Year 2003 budget. I greatly appreciate your support of the tree initiatives I outlined for this year which will improve and enhance our urban forest.
At our April 20th meeting, the Board adopted the Fiscal Year 2003 budget, which includes $530,600 to protect, preserve, and restore the County's tree canopy. Our efforts will include:
* Development and implementation of a tree master plan, including public education.
* Enhanced efforts to control invasive plants.
* Increased tree planting from 800 to 1,200 trees.
* Additional staffing to ensure implementation of tree plantings and landscaping approved in site plans
As the year progresses, you will be able to read more about and participate in planned events which will advance the tree initiatives. First, after the May 11th Neighborhood Day parade, at Courthouse Plaza, there will be tree give-aways. Second, the County is looking for citizen volunteers to help combat invasive plants in County parks. Please call the County at 703-228-6521 to learn ways in which you can lend a hand. Third, under the leadership of Virginia Cooperative Extension, the Tree Steward course and volunteer program was organized in response to requests from residents for more information about trees and expressions of concern about lost or dying trees. The Tree Steward program is sponsored by the Virginia Department of Forestry and the Virginia Urban Forest Council with the shared belief that citizen advocates are our best stewards. For more information on getting involved, please call the VCE at 703-228-6416.
Again, thank you for your support of the County's tree initiatives, and for participating in the budget process by taking the time to write.
Sincerely,
Christopher Zimmerman
Chairman
Also please note that I am the first to use a change in font size on the blog.
So speaks Creamed, 3:06 PM
11/30/2003
STYLE INVITATIONAL, WEEK 530:
My second first-runner up of the year! The competition was to take any word and then change it three times--by adding, substracting, and changing a single letter--and defining the three new words. My printed entry is first.
Snowboarding Snowbearding: Adopting extreme sports as a way of seeming less gay. Snowbarding: Schussing e’er onward t’ward the hillock’s scree/Whether mine neck to break, it is to be or not to be. Snowbogarding: Using up the snow so no one else can ski.
Ju-jitsu U-jitsu: Self-defeatist martial arts. Nu-jitsu: So it’s martial arts little Moishe’s learning? Jug-jitsu: Bikini mudwrestling.
Camouflage Camouflag: The standard borne by stealth specialists, constantly being lost by its assigned custodian. Campuflage: Technique for hiding items your college doesn’t allow you to keep in the dorm room, e.g. disguising your microwave by keeping a TV antenna on top of it. Camouflarge: Wearing black, vertical stripes, long skirts, or other completely useless attempts at hiding a beer gut.
Arrogant Irrogant: Describing someone who violates a ban on watering one’s lawn during a heatwave. Arroant: Excessively proud of one’s skill at fletchery. ArRogaint: Newfound selfconfidence following successful hair restoration.
Salmonella Salmonilla: The least popular Haagen Dasz flavor ever. Almonella: Disease contracted from tainted Amaretto. Stalmonella: Illness conveniently contracted before fulfilling an unpleasant obligation.
Liquer Liqueuer: One willing to wait in excessively long bar lines. Liqueer: Cordial that tastes like trout with a hint of sandalwood. Iqueur: After-dinner drink distilled from unguents of Iraqi iguanas.
Sharpton Sharptoon: A caricature, but one that becomes more focused and accurate over time. Harpton: A candidate that rambles. Sharkton: A political animal that can smell a single particle of opportunity in an ocean of competition.
So speaks Trout, 4:31 PM
STYLE INVITATIONAL, WEEK 528:
No ink, becuase I was robbed. Read my entries below for "Jeopardy"-style questions in response to given answers:
Mary, Susan and Beyonce What are alternate forms of the names Maria, Suzanne, and Passé? What are the singular forms of the words “Marys,” “Susans,” and “Beythrice”?
Loaves and Knishes What action of Mother Theresa’s has the Vatican refused to consider as a miracle in her evaluation for beatification? What did Jesus serve the Goldbergs? What does a Jewish Mama mean when she signs a letter XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO?
Hamsters, Poi and that Britney-Madonna kiss Name three things that transmit cooties. Named three things that are served on Spears.
Anthony “Big Pancreas” Santucci What mobster has repeatedly eluded hitman Ira “Diabetic Shock” Lefkowitz? Who started his career as a jujuvenum delinquent?
Yasser Arafat but not Daffy Duck Whose authority to negotiate for the PLO has Ariel Sharon refused to acknowledge? Of Yasser Arafat and Daffy Duck, which is able to pronounce the other’s name correctly?
Daffy Duck but not Ariel Sharon Who declined to attend a peath thummit because it was Pathover?
Benedict Arnold Schwarzenegger What does Ted Kennedy call Maria Shriver?
Only People who are very skinny Who is safe from the ravages of a drug-addled Rush Limbaugh? What would be a more accurate name for People magazine?
Because you need the right undergarments Why are the citizens of Arlington, VA undependable athletic supporters? Why has Justice Rehnquist never posed for the cover of the American Spectator in the same pose made famous by Marilyn Monroe in “Te Seven Year Itch”?
It’s like a peanut, only bigger What, aside from the Governor of California, is an “Ahrnut”?
A toaster and Antonin Scalia, but not a Reuben Sandwich What elements are necessary to continue the practice of imposing capital punishment in Alabama? What are you likely to find at the head table of the Sons of Italy annual convention?
So speaks Trout, 4:25 PM
11/25/2003
CATCH OF THE DAY
I don't anything about the ugliest salmon, but I do know one who has been caught. Friday evening, I proposed to J, and, amazingly enough, she accepted. Families all around are very happy, and her friends and coworkers have declared that I did an excellent job.
And, I get the bonus of putting one of my best friends in a tight spot -- he has already spoken to his girlfriend's parents and has a family heirloom ring. Yet he has done nothing with it yet. His fault. He's screwed.
So speaks Creamed, 10:07 AM
11/19/2003
RUNNERS-UP DEPARTMENT:
This article claims that the ugliest salmon in the world has been caught. A picture is available, and I beg to differ.
So speaks Trout, 10:18 AM
11/18/2003
WE FIND THE DEFENDANT OWES US ALL PIZZA DEPARTMENT:
I had a fascinating discussion with Henry Porter over the topic of jury nullification. According to Henry, Progressive Review editor Sam Smith has asserted that "jury nullification" is the "right" juries have to reach a verdict based not only on belief on whether the defendant is guilty or innocent, but whether they agree that the law the accused has broken is a valid, just law. Some groups have called for "fully informed juries" to be told they have the right to vote based on their agreement with the legislature.
Not being a practicing attorney, I'm occasionally shocked by my own ignorance of legal practice, but I was sure this flew in the face of everything I learned in Federal Civil Procedure. I was taught that the jury is the trier of fact; the judge is the sole trier of law. It should come as no surprise that practice and theory are sometimes so disconnected as to be estranged, but that's the ideal situation.
I wondered if perhaps what was being discussed was the inviolability of jury deliberations. In an ideal world, at the close of argument and jury instructions, juries should neither receive nor seek to introduce new evidence (in fact, expertise and experience of indiviudal jurors has been held to be equivalent to inadmissible expert testimony, and has invalidated verdicts). To protect this, jury deliberations are conducted in closed rooms. No information should go in or out of that room (with some narrow exceptions, i.e. requests to view evidence, clarifications of jury instructions, etc.). As a practical matter, juries often deliberate on any basis they choose, up to and including prejudice, opportunism, symapthies, personal experience, and personal morality. As long as no one outside the jury room learns of this, there's nothing they can do about it.
Turns out I was basically right. Jury nullification is therefore not a "right," but a "power" juries have to ignore their instructions and in effect usurp the legislative function. Some have argued that this process is Constitutional (pointing to supporters such as the first U.S. Supreme Court Justice, John Jay). The principle has, however, been out of favor for over a hundred years, and in 2002, a ballot measure in South Dakota that would have explicitly condoned the process was defeated by a 4 to 1 margin.
The opinions expressed in this blog are those of the individual authors, and even then there's a fair amount of posturing here, so said opinions might not be, shall we say, replicatable.
